Opinion | Corporate Gay for Pay

Every June, it seems more and more corporations are trying to speak to and for the L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.+ community during Pride Month. This year was no different, even in the face of rising homophobia and anti-trans legislation. Whether it was Bud Lite partnering with a prominent trans influencer or the C.I.A. posting a banal message of inclusivity or Disneyland’s Clarabelle Cow being called a rising queer icon after serving in a rainbow dress during the park’s inaugural Pride Nite, companies are clamoring for a chance to make Pride about them.

But is this representative of a genuine interest in diversity, inclusion and furthering the acceptance of queer identities, or is it rainbow washing — an attempt at capturing the attention and business of a growing consumer demographic? We talked to the comedian and illustrator Max Wittert about 10 companies and brands that can make even more out of next year’s Pride season and what they might do to show (or at least feign) their support for the L.G.B.T.Q. community.

Kraft Heinz

Spreading Awareness, Deliciously

To celebrate Pride, we’re releasing the gayest condiment we could come up with: aioli. Perfect for your gay little salads, tuna sandwiches or crudité platters. Anything mayo can do, aioli can do, too! And at twice the price for the same recipe, we’ll be raking it in! It’s a win-win.

Mr. Clean

Multi-Surface, Poly-Surface and Bi-Surface Cleaning Products for All

This Pride, our Magic Erasers leave behind a glittery streak, which can be cleaned only with a different product, which we will be announcing in July.

Benjamin Moore

Let Your True Colors Show, All at the Same Time

We’ve combined all the colors of the Pride flag into a creamy midtone brown, available exclusively during June. We don’t really know what this color would be good for — maybe it’d be nice for a lobby bathroom, basement cabinets or the underside of a public bench — but you gays are creative.


Diva-stating Nations Across the World!

We don’t like to get involved in Ru-politics, but for the right price, anything goes. We love a good slay!

Panda Express

Express Yourself!

For Pride Month, your orange chicken comes in red, yellow, green, blue and purple, too! Enjoy indigestion in the full spectrum!



We hear lesbians rush into things, so for June, we’re providing free moving boxes that don’t open for a year, because — let’s be real — it’s probably not going to last.


We Like It Rough

This June, Carhartt is celebrating the L.G.B.T.Q. kink community with canvas trousers, boots and outerwear that have even more loops and straps, for all the tools of your trade.


Spread Your Seed, Carefree!

To celebrate Pride, we’ve developed extra fruity trees that can’t bear their own fruit but are just as valid as fruit-bearing trees.

Johnson & Johnson & Johnson

We’re Coming Out as Poly!

To celebrate our third Johnson, we’re releasing a Band-Aid designed for throuples. Does it address the core problem? No, but it’s a quick fix for the moment.

Dairy Queen

Serving Ice Cream and Realness

This month only, we aren’t Dairy Queen; we’re Dairy Drag Queen! Get your sloppy toppings all June at a D.Q.I.A.+ near you. Each order comes with a free Harvey Milkshake of your choosing.

Max Wittert is a comedian and illustrator. Damien Saatdjian and Sam Whitney are art directors in Times Opinion.

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