My bloke is being distant and weird.
He stays out late and I can’t get a sensible word out of him.
I’m terrified he’s having sex with my ex-best friend again. His phone keeps buzzing at peculiar times. He says it’s work but I’m not convinced.
Last week it rang at 2am, he shot out of bed like his backside was on fire. He flew downstairs and slammed the dining room door shut so I couldn’t hear him.
I demanded to know what was going on and he started waffling on about his boss needing important paperwork.
Utter c**p. I know for a fact that his boss never makes or takes work calls after 6pm and is currently in Australia on extended leave after a serious illness.
We’re still having sex, but I can tell that his heart’s not in it. The other night it felt like I was being pummelled by a zombie. His eyes told me that he certainly wasn’t thinking about me.
At weekends he says he’s going to see his mum or watch football, but his mum hates him and he has never liked sport, so what is all that about?
Two years ago, he was in a fiery relationship with my ex-pal. They hooked up while I was concentrating on finishing my degree. I admit that I was busy and
distracted. Maybe I did “neglect” him for a few months but how did that justify him creeping off to her house for grubby sex behind my back?
We only got back together because he promised never to let me down again. My ex-mate genuinely thought he was going to leave me and stormed off to her parents’ place in Portugal.
Now she’s back and he’s acting all odd again. I’m worried.
JANE SAYS: Your partner is on a second, even final, chance. Does he realise how serious this matter is?
It’s no coincidence that his ex-lover is back in town and he’s acting peculiarly again.
Look him in the eye and make it clear that you’re not stupid. You can tell that something is up. What is it?
Is he ill? Worried about money? Or playing away from home again?
Warn him that, unless you get some proper answers then you’ll have to assume the worst and show him the door. Is that what he wants?
The fact is that you need him to be honest and present in your life. At the moment he’s drifting in and out – both mentally and physically – and that’s not good enough. You expect a partner to be supportive, loving, and trustworthy and if he isn’t, then what’s the point of him?
Can he explain to you just what it is he’s bringing to this relationship? Trust your instincts and do some digging.
Are there other colleagues, mates, or members of his family that you could talk to?
Sadly, if your ex-mate has got her claws into him again, then you have some very hard moves and tough decisions to make.
You cannot allow anyone to treat you with disrespect.
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